Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Little thoughts on a Monday night

To get out of a rut you're supposed to break your lazy habits and right now my lazy habits are telling me to sit down with some Lisa van der Pump-approved rosé and watch the Beverly Hills housewives talk over each other for an hour (also, what Bravo lovingly calls a "reunion").

So instead I'm going to write. But it's Monday and I'm feeling non-committal to any one topic, so I'm copying Kelly and her 'Memo' formats (again). Because doing anything else would require too much willpower and I just listened to Justin Bieber's "Baby" on Spotify radio for a full minute before turning it, so clearly I have none.

Game of Thrones disappoints again, because of course it did.

I'm not talking about the plot or whatever. Of course I'm talking about the lack of penis. The deftness with which they made sure all male nudity--besides butts, which don't count--was obscured during Sunday's premiere really raised the bar for all film editors tasked with adding shadows in post-production. Was I supposed to be impressed by that offering, HBO? Because you lost all my good will with the fifth prostitute's breasts you showed in plain daylight. I know showing a prostitute's breasts is about the righteous fight for historical accuracy, but still.

I saw Furious 7 and I didn't totally hate it.

My boyfriend dragged me to the latest Fast and Furious movie and I mainly wanted to go for the popcorn but I didn't hate the world while watching it, so that's something. I did hate the world while watching Crank though, which I also watched this weekend. I hated it enough that Jason Statham was on my shit list for the rest of the night. But then my boyfriend showed me this video and I'm slowly warming to him.

Drinks served in martini glasses are guaranteed to be awful.

This is my main epiphany of the night. I keep trying to like regular martinis because I'm all about martini-soaked olives but what I'm really learning is that I should probably just look into packaging martini-soaked olives. The best thing you can get out of a martini glass is a lemon drop, and lemon drops are awful.

"Animals" is a song that I love and I can't help it.

But I do have enough self respect not to link the actual music video, because I hear it's awful, so I linked the lyric video because those are things bands do now and I have that freedom. I'm only ashamed of how little shame I feel for loving this song.

Spotify's radio algorithm is terrible, and maybe sexist. 

It's one thing that songs start repeating only 15 songs in. It's another to have no hope of hearing a female-led band if I enter in a male artist or male-led band that isn't pop. Is my theory that it's sexist indisputable? No, okay it's not. Don't take me so literally, bro. But can a woman just hear some female folk artists when I turn on Avett Brothers radio?

I don't care how gorgeous a child actor grew up to be.

Why is my Facebook feed suddenly overrun with these stories of child actresses growing up to be oh my god you won't believe it gorgeous? It's wonderful that in 2015 all we still give a fuck about is whether you grow up to be attractive or not. Congrats, child actresses who never make it big in acting. Refinery29 still cares about you. Unless you grow up to be ugly.


  1. Oh, Game of Thrones. How can you have two men rolling around on a bed and NOT show anything? That takes some tricky maneuvering. I was actually expecting them to TRY to do anything about this, since everyone ever calls them out on this instance of sexism, but alas.

  2. I was going to get all caught up on GoT, but now I'm wondering, what's the point?

  3. I think a proper headline would be more like "so and so child actor grew up and is actually totally successful and never went down a dark, dark path of drugs and partying!"

  4. RIGHT? Let's raise the standards, people.

  5. Haha. The storyline is really interesting but I do get annoyed with the overwhelming sexism of the show.

  6. Haha. Exactly--cute kids growing up into attractive adults isn't that crazy. And True Blood was generally so good about keeping it pretty even! GoT could take some notes.

  7. I really thought they'd go for it too after being called out for it so much! That's what was so disappointing about it. Just do it, HBO.