Thursday, April 23, 2015

Fashion shmaux pas

Clever title, I know. But for a former fashion student I've never really cared about so-called fashion faux pas. Which isn't to say I dress like I don't give a fuck, but I mean I respect a person's right to wear ugly clothes without a brigade of jackasses led by Kelly Osbourne (don't think I'm impressed you quit) judging them.

And we really need to admit a lot of the fashion 'faux pas' come from some pretty tired fashion rules that should have withered into obscurity a long time ago, but instead have new life breathed into them every time someone who thinks they're doing Vogue's work passes them on like sacred wisdom.

If you live in a big city some of the ingrained rules listed below may seem old hat [Ed. note: Kudos to me for using that phrase], but let me tell you they are very alive and well in other regions of the country--and I would know because I'm writing a passive-aggressive post based on things people I know have said to me.

No white after Labor Day.

What is this shit? Really. What is it? I've heard people expressly discuss this too so I know it's a thing. It's like one of those rules that was maybe at one time based in something that made sense but now is just a thing people do because it's been repeated enough. If Time (guys, Time. TIME.) is telling you it's a dated custom then maybe we should leave it behind. Also, I was never sure about what counts as improper white and okay white after Labor Day. Is it all white? Is it only white pants? Can my uninformed ass wear a white sweater? I NEED TO KNOW.

You may never wear black with brown.

For the longest time I never wore brown purses with black clothes because this was instilled in me. But then Rachel wore a brown sweater with a black skirt on Friends and I knew everything would be okay.

Leggings aren't pants.

It's 2015. Leggings ARE pants. Get over it.

Skinny jeans aren't flattering on anyone.

Did you know there are some people who don't think skinny jeans are flattering? I know! Who are these people? Well, apparently Jennifer Garner for one. And other people whose opinions don't matter because they aren't famous. But for real, people who don't think skinny jeans are flattering--go home. Just go home. Skinny jeans look good on pretty much everyone regardless of your size and they make your shoes look 50x more stylish, so stop trying to mess with a good thing.

Something something about kitten heels. 

Lamenting about kitten heels is apparently the new "leggings aren't pants" cry, and I don't need that excess shit in my life. Take your dramatics elsewhere.

Only whores mix prints.

Okay, I made up the whores part but as if you haven't heard someone critiquing another person's outfit as "too busy." You know what's too busy? Your ass going on too much about another person's choice of clothing.

Honorable mentions: Designer products you think are ugly. 

Oh please do tell me about your opinion of Coach monogram bags and Lilly Pulitzer and how tacky it all is. You go on with your classy self.

So, what fashion faux pas are you sick of hearing about?


  1. hahaha! Love this! Leggings ARE pants...and I wear brown boots with my black legging pants whenever I damn well please. :-D

  2. This is great! I mean, I HATE the leggings as pants thing, but I have learned to live with it.

  3. I wear leggings as pants every day, all day. I think I may slip some on today. I have not one fuck to give....

    I am guilty of no white after labor day. It's a Virginia thing. I have caught myself judging those that do. Even though I am not fashionable... I know to never wear it LOL! So don't kill me!

    I despise 90's clothing that the teens are wearing. You know, Kylie and Kendall Jenner made them super popular. UGH!

  4. I always end up wearing white the day after Labor Day ironically (not even on purpose), but I think that's the stupidest - I'll wear white whenever I want! Also, I ONLY like skinny jeans for the most part and black and brown is just fine! All of those "rules" are the worst!