Monday, February 2, 2015

The realities of living with someone else

via
Let's just call this old piece the honeymoon version of what it's like living with your significant other, because now I have a glass of red wine in hand--it's boxed, duh--and that means it's time to really talk.

So let's talk, because it's not all waking up early to go to the farmer's market together (which, by the way, obviously Logan and I do every weekend because we're perfect).

Obviously this will be presented in list form because doing anything else would require too much commitment, so let's just drop all pretenses now.

The realities of living with someone else:

1. There's no such thing as being smooth about when/how often you poop anymore. Everybody knows okay.

2. You can't just turn on Netflix and watch whatever you want (Gilmore Girls--Lorelei and Luke stop being dumb and just do it already) without someone chiming in like their opinion is important.

3. They will always know the most inconvenient time to come in and ask to use the bathroom while you're using the mirror to get your eyeshadow game on.

4. You have to listen to so much Rage Against the Machine. So much.

5. It becomes really obvious when there's a discrepancy between how much wine you drink... and how much wine they don't drink.

6. You have a plethora of end tables because apparently that was a thing you both collected while single.

7. There's no covert way to shave your lady mustache. I mean, there is. But like you give a fuck anymore.

8. You can't just forego dinner anymore or heat up a frozen Lean Cuisine meal that tastes like shit--but only cost $2 so what are you even complaining about anyway--because having dinner together is a thing couples do.

9. It's called you have to agree on a coffee flavor because you're not fancy enough to have a Keurig and ya'll have to share a pot.

10. They know how not cool you are by like day 5 of living together.

21 comments:

  1. #9 and 10. YES. All the way. Freakin' Keurigs...

    ReplyDelete
  2. After living in a rental house together for almost a year, I've decided that having two bathrooms (at least 1 1/2 baths, using real estate lingo) is an integral part of any relationship when 1 or more people have an IBD. Dan and I are looking for an apartment in Georgia, since I'll move down in 4 weeks, and I've already put my foot down against any place with only 1 bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMAO I love this. Everything. Yup. All the pretenses are gone pretty soon after moving in together. This is my favorite: "It becomes really obvious when there's a discrepancy between how much wine you drink... and how much wine they don't drink."




    SO TRUE! I feel like I keep trying to entice my bf to have a glass with me and he's like, "yea, no, okay?" Sheeesh, fine then. And the plucking random hairs from face. That's always a fun one, too. Thanks for the morning giggle :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is so funny! My fiancé and I will be moving in together this year, so I can't wait to see which one of these will come first lol :) Sounds like my hobby of binge watching Gilmore Girls all weekend might be in trouble!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate not having privacy to poop! He can know what's going on, but he sure as hell cannot be in the bathroom with me. That's where I draw the line. But yeah, for the most part all the mystery is gone and you know all each other's grossnesses.

    Rage Against the Machine - NOT a fan. "TheyRaghaAghraghYagFaghhma." There, I just sang you a line from one of their songs. Assault on my ear drums.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The end tables oh good lord am I worried about my future place becoming a graveyard of single people end tables. I've somehow accumulated twice the amount I need. Maybe I'll have to instill a two person two end table rule or something.

    ReplyDelete
  7. If you ever buy a house together, make sure the master bath has a separate door for the toilet. It will literally save your life. And by that, it will literally save you from having to interrupt your super serious beauty routine any time he needs to potty.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is hilarious, because it's all so true!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haha. So we're not constantly buying coffee we buy the bigger tubs but they come in such boring flavors and I dearly miss random flavors like Dunkin Donuts' cinnamon swirl or whatever!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Haha, yes that sounds like a must. I'm pretty sure all sources of apartment-related conflict would be solved with two bathrooms!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahah, me too! I'm always pushing a beer on my boyfriend after work, but he just doesn't like to drink as often as I do. And it's not even like a 'get drunk every night' thing, it's just.. I mean what better way to end the day than with one glass of wine?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hahah, my Gilmore Girls watching is basically restricted to before he gets home or to the computer while he's doing something else. What a life.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hahaha, totally nailed it. And ugh, are there couples who poop in front of each other? NEVER.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hahah, I hate how when you turn on the fan, it's this super loud announcement that you're pooping. It's almost nicer with bathrooms that have automatic fans that turn on with the light, so it turns on no matter what and you can kind of fool people into thinking maybe you're just peeing!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hahah, ugh END TABLES. They are the worst. Except I guess they're really useful which is why we have so damn many.

    ReplyDelete
  16. YES. That is exactly what we need. It would be delightful.

    ReplyDelete
  17. One girl kept trying to catch me in the act of pooping. Like, not just while I was sitting down but literally barging in during the moment of truth. And after about five attempts she finally caught me, and she was like "I knew it! You really are a human!" And said "You haven't won yet," and I stood up. And the toilet bowl was full of roses and rainbows.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I should've expected that ending. And what in the hell, former woman who dated you? I'd be pleased as punch if I never knew when my boyfriend pooped.

    ReplyDelete