Monday, February 2, 2015

The realities of living with someone else

Let's just call this old piece the honeymoon version of what it's like living with your significant other, because now I have a glass of red wine in hand--it's boxed, duh--and that means it's time to really talk.

So let's talk, because it's not all waking up early to go to the farmer's market together (which, by the way, obviously Logan and I do every weekend because we're perfect).

Obviously this will be presented in list form because doing anything else would require too much commitment, so let's just drop all pretenses now.

The realities of living with someone else:

1. There's no such thing as being smooth about when/how often you poop anymore. Everybody knows okay.

2. You can't just turn on Netflix and watch whatever you want (Gilmore Girls--Lorelei and Luke stop being dumb and just do it already) without someone chiming in like their opinion is important.

3. They will always know the most inconvenient time to come in and ask to use the bathroom while you're using the mirror to get your eyeshadow game on.

4. You have to listen to so much Rage Against the Machine. So much.

5. It becomes really obvious when there's a discrepancy between how much wine you drink... and how much wine they don't drink.

6. You have a plethora of end tables because apparently that was a thing you both collected while single.

7. There's no covert way to shave your lady mustache. I mean, there is. But like you give a fuck anymore.

8. You can't just forego dinner anymore or heat up a frozen Lean Cuisine meal that tastes like shit--but only cost $2 so what are you even complaining about anyway--because having dinner together is a thing couples do.

9. It's called you have to agree on a coffee flavor because you're not fancy enough to have a Keurig and ya'll have to share a pot.

10. They know how not cool you are by like day 5 of living together.