Monday, January 5, 2015

My wishes for the new year

What New Year's is all about according to a cast ensemble movie that stars Hilary Swank's perfect make-up and other people who like easy paychecks.  (via)
I don't have any New Year's resolutions because I don't actually like setting myself up for needless failure, but I do have some wishes for how 2015 can top 2014--a year which can be summed up by my 5-year-old niece as, "people living in a box that doesn't make sense."

To be fair, she was actually trying to guess at my shitty attempt at drawing a sandbox during a game, but they seem like pretty wise words in general.

So how can 2015 be better?

1. Let's agree to retire the word clickbait and henceforth never use it again. Yeah, headlines with titles like, "EPIC [blah blah something that barely registers as noteworthy]" are annoying, but they're also really easy to spot and really easy to ignore. Nevermind that the word 'clickbait' has become so meaningless that it's basically just used to describe any article about a topic the reader doesn't like or wouldn't write about.

2. While we're on the subject can we also ban, "Slow news day, huh?" It's a favorite for commenters to leave on articles about celebrities and other topics that, in the grand scheme of things, aren't that significant and it basically translates to: Look at my smug fucking face as I tell you how important I am and how inconsequential to my important life your article is. Let me just speak for everyone as tired as I am by this dismissive phrase: No one walks away from your comment thinking you're really smart. No one.

3. If every important social/cultural discussion that's started in this country wasn't immediately shut down with the "not all" argument. Example: We have a problem with sexism. Not all men! We have a problem with racism. Not all white people! If your point is that you're not like the bigoted people being discussed, then your response probably shouldn't dismiss the entire issue and make it solely about yourself and your own feelings. No shit not all men are entitled misogynists. That doesn't change that there are too many who are. Nor are all white people raging racists. That doesn't change that the U.S. has some incredibly entrenched racism that's been in the works since, I don't know, people from Europe started coming over to the country.

4. If The Walking Dead would stop using shocking! deaths as their primary plot-mover. Or maybe the writers could just stop killing characters as soon as they get interesting. That'd be appreciated. Also, nobody cares about Glenn and Maggie. And by nobody I mean me, but why are they the only ones who get a little romance? (I'm not even going to acknowledge that Abraham/Rosita/Eugene shit). Can Rick get a little love this season? It'd be a nice break from, "oh look more people who want to kill us because that's life now in the zombie apocalypse."


6. Plumcat makes her first friend. By which I mean, my boyfriend and I adopt another cat so we can start to realize our destiny as cat people. Except, I've been reading a lot of shelter cats' bios, as one does, and a decent percentage are apparently hoping to be the only cat of the household. It makes me wonder if Plum is one of those cats and we would be making all her nightmares come true by trying to be nice and get her a friend.

7. No one in my apartment complex moves out and leaves their windows open in the dead of winter causing a pipe to freeze and burst and water to seep everywhere. Not that this is an issue my apartment complex is having at the moment or anything.

8. More naked men on Game of Thrones. It's not that I don't appreciate their crusade to teach me what boobs look like, but I think I've got it.

9. Less strong female characters who are strong, yes, but still total caricatures of a human being. Being weak isn't a fault and having a personality doesn't mean you're contrary and argumentative about everything. I mean, sure, plenty of women exist who don't take shit, but that's still only one facet of their personality, not who they are period.

10. I don't progress to the next Sephora membership level. Thanks for the reminder that I'm bad with money, Sephora, but you won't get that satisfaction this year (yes you will).

11. Everyone stops using "it wasn't intentional" as a valid defense. Nothing is intentional, okay? No one intends to be rude or say something bigoted (okay, some do intend this, yes it's true), but that doesn't change that what was said was rude or offensive. The most casual bigotry is from people who don't intend it. It's from ingrained perceptions that come out in a thoughtless sentence and oh no that's what I meant, but it's still what you said. Does this make sense? Who knows. Call me out on it and I'll just say it wasn't my intent.

12.  That we'll all stop clutching our pearls about the younger generations. They'll be okay. Promise.

13. Related: That older generations stop bragging that their parents would've beat the shit out of them for doing something all the younger kids get away with these days. Hitting our children for minor infractions isn't something we need to look back fondly on. We can let that moment in history pass.

14. And, speaking of parents, maybe in 2015 we can all just love our children in ways that actually benefit and support them without asking them to change to fit our own personal views of the world. Unless they confess to murder. In which case, please call the police no matter how much you love them.

15. A realization by one of the resellers who scooped up Taylor Swift's 1989 Denver tour tickets that they made a huge mistake not leaving a ticket for me, so as an apology they send front-row seats at a major discount. That'd probably top 2014.


  1. So I had to google clickbait lol, shows how up to date I am.
    Gilmore Girls!! Luke and Lorelai forever.
    I am so behind on Game of Thrones, I kinda got sick of the boobs.
    here's to 2015! hope that pipe flooding thing gets fixed quick smart.

  2. yes to both 1 & 2 (can we also retire "foodporn") as well as 13. 13 really gets me.

    cheers to 2015 :)

  3. In complete agreement about GoT. Let's have equality and just see everyone naked.

  4. Haha, I only know the term because every comment on this one blog I read is, "oh my god this is just clickbait!" Ugh, go home. Also, If GoT had more naked guys, I wouldn't care so much about the boobs, but it gets so old when it's just, "oh hey even more naked women."

  5. Yes, let's please have an official ceremony where we retire all three of those terms. (also, happy New Year!)

  6. Oh my gosh, so contrary! But, okay, okay, I like them too. Kind of. :)

  7. Oh yeah, we thought about that! We should probably look into it more if we get really serious about getting another cat.

    But to your first comment, I feel like it's action movies that are the worst about this.. which granted, it's not like the men (generally) have particularly complex characters themselves but they're usually a bit more nuanced. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't agree with me about this, but one character that comes to mind right away is Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. I got the feeling the whole series that I was supposed to be impressed with her just because she's brash and loud. Hell, same with that actress's character in the most recent Riddick movie. Or like Megan Fox in The Transformers movies where we're supposed to think she's great and strong because she knows how to fix cars.

  8. Exactly. I wouldn't say another thing about all the naked ladies if there was just a little EQUALITY. Like it's time for Jon Snow, Jamie Lannister and whoever the hell else is still alive to just show it off already.

  9. I'm totally with you on #3, #9, and #11-14. Although hashtagging #NotAllWishes or #NotAllCats or whatever else works is one of my favorite jokes. My husband is also very appreciative that I filled him in on that, since he now gets those jokes in the Gawker-verse.

  10. Very interesting. Especially since we watched Battlestar Galactica not too long ago. I remember really liking Starbuck in the beginning and by the end I was just annoyed with her, but I don't necessarily think she's one-dimensional. She had a lot of back story and a lot of issues. Actually, by the end of the series, I disliked almost everybody in the show. They had all done so much stupid shit.

    I'll agree with you on Megan Fox, though. Her character's not very well developed (in the first - I didn't see the others) and simply being a woman who knows something about cars doesn't make her a well-rounded, strong person (although it was a step up from making a stereotypical damsel in distress).

    P.S. Holy shit, I didn't know there was a new Riddick movie. How did I not hear about this?!?!

  11. Haha, I only knew because my boyfriend is ALL about Vin Diesel. His dynamic with her character in the movie is just gross. She's supposed to be this kickass woman and he makes the most disgusting comments to her and in the end she's into it. It's just bizarre. But to speak to Starbuck... you know I wouldn't call her one-dimensional either, and there are times I like her too, but I'm not a fan of when writers want you to think a woman is kickass.. because she's written like a man.

  12. Haha, how helpful of you--those jokes are on every Gawker post now it seems. I'm happy the #NotAll... thing became a joke though. It's so silly.

  13. She IS written like a man! Whoa. It all makes sense now. I mean, she's the one with the commitment issues, and sleeping around. She's all tough, and out of touch with her emotions. She's like a stereotypical macho man, except she's a woman. I wonder if they did that to be true to the original Starbuck character (who was a man), or if they couldn't think of a different way to portray a "tough" woman. Although they had other strong women, like Roslin and the cylons, who weren't so macho.