Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Currently Loving: MannyMua, Beyonce and micellar water

It's a new week and new things to love. Of course, I'm usually 10 steps behind, so a lot of these things are probably stuff people have been loving for months (years?). No big deal, I'll just pretend they're new and I'm avant-garde.

with the Happy Type.

1. Youtube guru Manny Mua and this make-up look. I love finding new gurus to follow and this eye look is what I'm living for right now. As if I'm not weak for an everyday cat-eye.

2. XO by Beyoncé. Did ya'll know she dropped a secret CD? OF COURSE YOU DID. But I'm only  listening to it in full now that it's finally on Spotify. XO? Yeah, it's, easily, the most played. Followed by "Jealous." 

3. Micellar water. It's like cold cream but less greasy and I'd like to thank Target for having it and Lauren Curtis for mentioning it in one of the Youtube make-up videos I obsessively watch.

4. Broad City on Amazon Prime. Yep, it's that show everyone always talks about that you feel like you should check out too, and really, you should--what are you waiting for?

5. BOXYCHARM. How have I been wasting my life only subscribing to Birchbox?

Currently not loving: Meghan Trainor claiming she started the "booty song movement." LOLOLOL. Okay, girl.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Lilly Pulitzer and the concept of class

So, here's something that happened this month: The fashion label Lilly Pulitzer announced they were collaborating with Target and some classy, longtime Lilly fans lost their minds. And by lost their minds, obviously I mean they took to Twitter.

Which Refinery29 then cataloged for everyone else's amusement. Allow me to summarize the tweets for you:

But if the poors now have access to Lilly, how will anyone know I'm The Special? #LillyforTarget #whygod

While I think the protestations are snobbish to their core, they don't really surprise me. It's kind of like when a favorite but not very well-known singer gets catapulted to the spotlight and I have that moment of always wanting to be like "but I liked them first!"... minus, of course, the classist bit about hating that poor people might have access to the things I like. 

To me, Lilly Pulitzer--along with Vera Bradley--is the long-standing domain of sorority girls, which I was not, so it never really registered as a fashion option. That said, I'm all for their aggressively preppy accessories, like the tote/grocery bag I bought on clearance (yes, clearance) that has lobsters all over it and says something about buttering me up. 

I'd also be all about their iphone cases, if, you know, I had an iphone. 

The point is, though, it's not a label I dearly love, so I didn't really have a reaction, one way or the other, to the news that Target would feature Lilly. What really chafes my ass though (sorry, is that not a classy thing to say?) is that there are people who, without shame, think they are better than other people based on the clothes they wear and, not just that, but the cost of the clothes they wear.

So many of the arguments against Lilly for Target come down to the brand being too "classy" for an inexpensive mass-retailer, which basically translates to, "it's no longer special if poor people can wear it too." 

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people to make fun of designer labels that "slum it" by creating a cheap line that's sold at inexpensive retailers, like Oscar de la Renta at Costco. But why are we making fun? What's the issue? What's wrong with more people having access to designer clothing? Because A) Let's be real--there's clearly going to be a difference between what's sold at Costco and what's sold in a name-sake boutique and B) Is that $1,500 dress you bought really less special because someone was able to buy an Oscar de la Renta sweater at Costco that was cheaper and of less quality? 

It all seems to come down to the bullshit concept of class and what's classy, and, on the other hand, what's not and what's trashy or tacky. As in: "Oh my god, Oscar at Costco?! That's SO tacky!"

The term "class" is synonymous with good breeding and wealth and being of the upper crust, which is apparently what we're all supposed to strive for. As such, being called classy is supposed to be the ultimate compliment and anything opposite that is exactly what you don't want to be.

What's really being said when you call someone classy is, "You're like someone born with money. Good for you." 

And, you know, at 18, when I was incredibly insecure and in awe of Vogue socialites, I probably would've loved if someone complimented me by calling me classy. At 27, though, I only think of drunk Real Housewives shrieking about other bitches not being as classy as they are. 

And, while I'd desperately like to learn the secrets of "classiness," I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. 

Countess Luann, the self-proclaimed queen of class, tells me in her useful primer that money can't buy you class:

And yet, apparently, money spent on expensive Lilly dresses does in fact buy you class. So I don't know who to believe anymore.

But I do know that this bullshit worship of people born into money needs to stop. 

There is nothing inherently special about someone who had the good luck of being born into wealth regardless of how desperately Vogue wants you to think they're special. And you're not special because you spent more on a dress than someone else. 

Can we please find more interesting ways to differentiate ourselves?

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Let me count the ways Ross is the worst

Here's a question that'll haunt me for the rest of my life: Did I really spend 10 years of my youth willfully ignoring how terrible Ross is, or did I genuinely like him?

Because, like everyone who has Netflix and enjoys watching shows exclusively about white people in NYC, I've been rewatching Friends with my boyfriend and I'm finding it nearly impossible to root for Ross and Rachel.

Because Ross is the worst.

He's not even just kind of annoying but mostly endearing, like Joey, or goofily charming like Chandler. He's just Ross. Whiny, mopey Ross.

So let's start with that.

1. He's whiny. SO whiny. How did I not notice how whiny he was?

2. He's a total Nice Guy™ who believes in the "friendzone."

3. His inner monologue is without a doubt a repetition of, "I'm everything you want, I'm everything you need, I'm everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things at exactly the right time but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why," with a little, "maybe I'll actually tell her how I feel today. Aw shucks, I can't!" thrown in for good measure.

4. He's an idiot. How are you going to let everyone else tell Rachel how you feel and then come back from China with a girlfriend ON THE SEASON FINALE NO LESS. How dare you put me through that cliff-hanging bullshit as a child.

5. He's too boring to think of a #5.

Who knew Chandler and Phoebe would be my favorites this time around.

Friday, January 9, 2015

I need insurance because I wear heels

When I turned on Spotify today to listen to John Mayer and Hilary Duff, I never suspected I'd be treated to a commercial that would so wonderfully get to the root of the lady experience, but Anthem Insurance gets it. 

In 30 seconds, they were able to perfectly encompass why a woman would want medical coverage: Because stilettos are dangerous. No shit they are. I've face-planted in enough to know that. So thanks, Anthem, for being there. 

And also, thanks in advance for having my back for these other lady emergencies I'm pretty positive I'll have one day. 

--When my underwire bra that's too tight eventually forces all the breath from my body and I pass out and hit my head on the Starbucks counter while purchasing a pumpkin spice latte. (My boobs will look good while it happens so fingers crossed that I get a date out of it.)

--When the chocolate I just shoved in my mouth while watching The Notebook for the 500th time mixes with the downpour of tears coming down my face, creating a dangerous shame cocktail that requires emergency medical assistance. 

--When I'm still crying over The Notebook in my shower and I cut myself shaving. There will be a lot of blood because nothing bleeds like a tiny nick on your ankle and it won't actually require stitches but I mean, oh my god blood. So gross!

--When the Nair cream I put on my upper lip has a really bad reaction one day and I'll need to go to the dermatologist because my dumb face will be totally unsightly if I don't get another cream to fix the cream that fucked up my face. 

--When my cat scratches my eyes out after I hug her too hard to fill the void created from years of existing while not being married. 

--When the gel manicures I insist on giving myself eventually make my fingers wither and fall off and I'll need insurance to get replacement fingers. 

--When the false eyelashes I sometimes wear to trick guys into thinking I'm pretty get lost in my eyeballs and require surgery to extract. 

--When I catch my man cheating, and I injure myself with the scissors I'm using to fuck up all of his shirts. 

--When I burn myself setting fire to his house.

He'll be gone, but hey, at least, I'll have Anthem. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Currently Loving #8

Who are we kidding? Joseph Gordon Levitt's married and now all hope for love is dead. But still we can try fill the hole left behind with material objects and internet clips.

1. This wonderful hairstyle that I will somehow never master despite repeated tries which includes my favorite of all favorites--a fishtail braid.

2. These brand new blog posts from the hilarious Kate at Thoroughly Modern who was absent for far too long.

3. This video of Taylor Swift losing her footing on the stairs on NYE, which coincidentally was also the same night I fell down the stairs (no it wasn't as graceful okay).

4. My new phone case. Seriously, it's been the number one topic of conversation in my house for a week now. I show it to everyone regardless of whether they want to see it or not.

From DandyCase
5. This make-up look from Desi Perkins. I tried to buy the Pixi palette she uses from Target because I'm nothing if not a follower and it was all sold out. Worst moment of the day, only behind the realization that my eyes will never look as good as any beauty guru's because false lashes make me want to curl into the fetal position. 

6. Spotify's reminder that this song still touches the soul.

So what are you loving this week?

From The Happy Type.

Monday, January 5, 2015

My wishes for the new year

What New Year's is all about according to a cast ensemble movie that stars Hilary Swank's perfect make-up and other people who like easy paychecks.  (via)
I don't have any New Year's resolutions because I don't actually like setting myself up for needless failure, but I do have some wishes for how 2015 can top 2014--a year which can be summed up by my 5-year-old niece as, "people living in a box that doesn't make sense."

To be fair, she was actually trying to guess at my shitty attempt at drawing a sandbox during a game, but they seem like pretty wise words in general.

So how can 2015 be better?

1. Let's agree to retire the word clickbait and henceforth never use it again. Yeah, headlines with titles like, "EPIC [blah blah something that barely registers as noteworthy]" are annoying, but they're also really easy to spot and really easy to ignore. Nevermind that the word 'clickbait' has become so meaningless that it's basically just used to describe any article about a topic the reader doesn't like or wouldn't write about.

2. While we're on the subject can we also ban, "Slow news day, huh?" It's a favorite for commenters to leave on articles about celebrities and other topics that, in the grand scheme of things, aren't that significant and it basically translates to: Look at my smug fucking face as I tell you how important I am and how inconsequential to my important life your article is. Let me just speak for everyone as tired as I am by this dismissive phrase: No one walks away from your comment thinking you're really smart. No one.

3. If every important social/cultural discussion that's started in this country wasn't immediately shut down with the "not all" argument. Example: We have a problem with sexism. Not all men! We have a problem with racism. Not all white people! If your point is that you're not like the bigoted people being discussed, then your response probably shouldn't dismiss the entire issue and make it solely about yourself and your own feelings. No shit not all men are entitled misogynists. That doesn't change that there are too many who are. Nor are all white people raging racists. That doesn't change that the U.S. has some incredibly entrenched racism that's been in the works since, I don't know, people from Europe started coming over to the country.

4. If The Walking Dead would stop using shocking! deaths as their primary plot-mover. Or maybe the writers could just stop killing characters as soon as they get interesting. That'd be appreciated. Also, nobody cares about Glenn and Maggie. And by nobody I mean me, but why are they the only ones who get a little romance? (I'm not even going to acknowledge that Abraham/Rosita/Eugene shit). Can Rick get a little love this season? It'd be a nice break from, "oh look more people who want to kill us because that's life now in the zombie apocalypse."


6. Plumcat makes her first friend. By which I mean, my boyfriend and I adopt another cat so we can start to realize our destiny as cat people. Except, I've been reading a lot of shelter cats' bios, as one does, and a decent percentage are apparently hoping to be the only cat of the household. It makes me wonder if Plum is one of those cats and we would be making all her nightmares come true by trying to be nice and get her a friend.

7. No one in my apartment complex moves out and leaves their windows open in the dead of winter causing a pipe to freeze and burst and water to seep everywhere. Not that this is an issue my apartment complex is having at the moment or anything.

8. More naked men on Game of Thrones. It's not that I don't appreciate their crusade to teach me what boobs look like, but I think I've got it.

9. Less strong female characters who are strong, yes, but still total caricatures of a human being. Being weak isn't a fault and having a personality doesn't mean you're contrary and argumentative about everything. I mean, sure, plenty of women exist who don't take shit, but that's still only one facet of their personality, not who they are period.

10. I don't progress to the next Sephora membership level. Thanks for the reminder that I'm bad with money, Sephora, but you won't get that satisfaction this year (yes you will).

11. Everyone stops using "it wasn't intentional" as a valid defense. Nothing is intentional, okay? No one intends to be rude or say something bigoted (okay, some do intend this, yes it's true), but that doesn't change that what was said was rude or offensive. The most casual bigotry is from people who don't intend it. It's from ingrained perceptions that come out in a thoughtless sentence and oh no that's what I meant, but it's still what you said. Does this make sense? Who knows. Call me out on it and I'll just say it wasn't my intent.

12.  That we'll all stop clutching our pearls about the younger generations. They'll be okay. Promise.

13. Related: That older generations stop bragging that their parents would've beat the shit out of them for doing something all the younger kids get away with these days. Hitting our children for minor infractions isn't something we need to look back fondly on. We can let that moment in history pass.

14. And, speaking of parents, maybe in 2015 we can all just love our children in ways that actually benefit and support them without asking them to change to fit our own personal views of the world. Unless they confess to murder. In which case, please call the police no matter how much you love them.

15. A realization by one of the resellers who scooped up Taylor Swift's 1989 Denver tour tickets that they made a huge mistake not leaving a ticket for me, so as an apology they send front-row seats at a major discount. That'd probably top 2014.