Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Just one of those days


You know the days when everything you do seems to take a herculean effort, and even then you can still barely get it together? That's me right now. I've had a headache since 10 a.m. and even the pumpkin ale I'm drinking right now can't get me out of my rut (which means you know it's serious).

Instead of writing a cohesive post, I thought I'd just blatantly rip-off Marielle from This Flooded Sky and do my own version of her "Memos" (go read them, she's always full of interesting thoughts). The idea is basically that these posts are for when you have something to say but don't feel like writing a full post.

I'm sponsoring Marielle right now, so I think that means I'm allowed to copy her  pay homage to her. My memos:

Defensive driving

1. I'm the angriest driver on earth. Not the most aggressive, just the angriest. It annoys me when you pull out in front of me. It annoys me when you go at the stop sign when it's not your turn. It annoys me when switch into my lane right in front of me without putting your blinker on. But most of all, it annoys me when you drive too close to me. In fact, it boggles my mind how few people connect accidents with following the person in front of them too closely. And it really pisses me off when I'm driving with my niece in her carseat in the back and you think it's perfectly fine to drive your excessively large pick-up truck only a couple feet away from my hippie-loving Prius. Back the fuck off and stop pretending you're actually in a rush to get anywhere interesting.

Insincerity masked as positivity 

2. Here's one blog post I've tried to write a few times. You know those people you meet and on the surface they're all smiles and just so nice and yet you still walk away thinking, "holy shit, I've never met someone less genuine?" Yeah, I'd love to never hear advice about living positively from these people ever again. It's total insincerity masked as positivity. No, you're not a good person because you don't complain and you're falsely nice to everyone. Maybe just try being a real person.

Cats who stick their faces in everything

3. My cat sticks her face into every open cup she sees. And I don't stop her because it's cute. I even googled milk replacements for cats because she can't have milk but I want her to have it because she's so damn cute. So instead of milk, I've resigned myself to putting ice cubes in her water because it seems to amuse her.

Go right ahead, Plum. 

Reminders that I'm not a Youtube beauty guru

4. Like Kylie Jenner, who is 17, I'm really into wearing a shit-ton of make-up at the moment. Which for me means, I never actually wear a shit-ton--I just wish I had the confidence to. I've been mixing it up lately with blue eyeliner, but though it looks cool to my eye, it doesn't translate at all in photos making me think it's not cool at all and I'm just a loser wannabe. I just want to be a Youtube beauty guru. Seriously, that's why I'm on this earth, I'm sure of it. Just let me tell you about my foundation routine, world. JUST LET ME TELL YOU.

It's blue eyeliner. I'm cool, okay?
Nobody cares that you don't want kids

5. I mean, sure, some people are judgmental about not having children, but proudly declaring how much you hate kids is as interesting as me telling people how much I like cheese and the Real Housewives, which, unfortunately, isn't as interesting as I'd like it to be. You know when you see kids flipping shit in a store? Instead of rolling your eyes, why don't you just be thankful you're not the one who has to listen to it all the way home? Yeah, I know, I know. If you ever acted that way your parents would've beat some sense into you. Because, physical abuse. That's reasonable. Not that it ever would've gone that far. Nah, you were a perfect child and comprehended from the moment you were born that you weren't the center of the universe. An old soul, you always were.

I wish a musician would write a really angry break-up song about me

6. How narcissistic is that? But the angrier the better. Just so I can tell people it's about me and for that one glorious second they'd think I was a complete monster. I guess I can say this because I don't actually care what any of the guys I used to date think about me. Honestly. I have moments of embarrassment for things I've said or done for the sake of my own pride, but never for a second have I actually cared what any guy has said about me to his friends. That chip is missing or something.

The feminist I'm not

7. If any of these became a full-fledged post, it would be this one. In fact, I have a post of the same name in my drafts, but I'm not satisfied with it so I've never published it. The gist, though, is that I'm not a fan of the fresh-out-of-Feminism-101 arrogance that abounds on the internet. It's tearing another writer apart for an argument you generally agree with that was worded in a way you didn't like so therefore it's all shit. Or accusing anything and everything of being some kind of shaming. It's a view of the world that's as black and white as the rigid social constructs you're fighting against. But at the same time, I feel kind of assholish for describing this type of feminism as "fresh-out-of-Feminism 101," because it's belittling and I know that. Hence, why I've never published the damn post.


  1. Imitation is the best kind of flattery. Ironically, I couldn't write a cohesive post either, or even a real Memo one. I'm not having one of those days though, just missing out on sleep due to a nighttime centipede encounter. Hope you're feeling better today!

    YES #2. Some of this positivity stuff out there drives me crazy. And #7. I hate seeing those kinds of feminists out there. I got so annoyed reading the Emma Watson criticism recently. Why criticize positive contributions to feminism for not solving ALL the problems feminism faces, or call out people speaking from their experiences for being privileged/not being intersectional enough?

  2. YES on #5!! As a mother myself, when I hear people say that "hate" kids and will never have them, it really does make my blood boil. It's like uhhh... good for you you fucking fuck. I HAVE KIDS DICK LICKER!

    That really makes my asshole pucker. I am dead ass serious.

  3. Ohmygod. #1, #5 and partly #2 too. I couldn't agree more. When I was working at my old job (grocery store), I saw so many people with kids screaming and yelling for a candy bar or whatnot. It didn't bother me the slightest bit. What bothered me, though were the customers who commented something like "THAT'S why I'll never have kids"...

    um... okay? and I needed to know this why exactly?

  4. Your cat is seriously cute.

    And I'm totally with you on the car thing. I get SO ANGRY when people drive stupid.

  5. I did a couple "Blog Posts that Couldn't Cut It" posts where it was all things I'd like to discuss, but none of them had enough material. It's kind of a nice change of pace.

    You're totally a guru! You taught me about eye primer and it's AMAZING!!!

  6. My cat sticks his head in EVERYTHING too. Bags. Boxes. Cups - anything he can put his face in he does. I'm also a serious road rage driver. I HATE how people don't respect each other on the road!

  7. Thanks, Marielle! Also, centipedes make me shiver, they're so gross.

    Anyway, I find criticism that's basically along the lines of "this is good, but not good enough" to be so frustrating and I feel like I saw that a lot following the announcement of the HeforShe campaign. Kind of related to this point, it seems like there are some people who have nothing to offer but critiques of other people and it's almost like they do it because it protects them from being criticized themselves.

  8. HAHA. It's just such a tired, cliche thing to declare. Also, it's not like I'm down with screaming children but it really annoys me when some people talk as loud as they damn want in restaurants/public spaces and do whatever they please and then a kid cries for a second and suddenly it's all, "oh my god, kids are so annoying! Why would anyone bring a kid here!" You use your dumbass voice all the time, why can't kids?

  9. Haha, people just love to be smug about their own life choices.

  10. Haha, YAY. Isn't eye primer the best?! I don't think I've done my eyeshadow without it for the past three years. I'll have to look up your blog post.

  11. BEST picture of the week! Why are cats so weird? I think I get so angry with people who don't respect others on the road because it seems like it has to be a general thoughtlessness that carries over into the rest of their lives.

  12. Haha, Plum says thanks. And, about driving--I really shouldn't get so bothered but when I see thoughtlessness in driving, it makes me think they're really thoughtless in the rest of their lives too... which may not be a totally fair assumption!