Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Phrases that can pack their bags and leave (part 576)

Why do I always write these blog posts? Is this really my calling card? Whatever, I'll embrace the bitch. I can't even count the number of times I've looked for an 'eye-roll' gif. I just need to film myself, because god knows that's my face 24/7.

I just really, really hate when people say the following things and I feel like the world has conspired to constantly repeat them lately. 

1. "You wouldn't understand."

As in, "I'm so sorry you're upset. I know it's hard." "Ugh, you wouldn't understand!"

Oh, I wouldn't, would I? How do you know? You don't. You're just having a pity party and you're content to believe no one has ever experienced the pain you have. Please. You have no idea what someone else has been through. Also, you know what they say about assuming... or something.

2. "Sorry, but I can't sympathize." 

A.k.a. every comment ever on any news story involving an unfortunate situation you think the victim basically asked for. An example? "Sorry, but I just can't sympathize with a person who was burglarized after leaving their car unlocked."

Cool. Good for you. But you do get that the world isn't waiting on goddamn tenterhooks to know if you sympathize or not, right? You also get that every situation doesn't have to be related back to you and how you personally feel about it, right? And you know... maybe try sympathizing a little. It couldn't make you a worse person, after all.

3. "You're just jealous."

Said by any person ever who isn't smart enough to actually come up with a response during an argument. Not all criticism is based in jealousy. Just rip the band-aid off and realize that. When another girl doesn't like you, it doesn't mean she's jealous of you. Life isn't perpetually high school. 

4. "Well, if I don't have anything nice to say..."

If you don't have anything nice to say then stop fucking around and just say what you want to say. Don't take the coward's way out by implying you have some shit to say then stop at actually saying anything juicy. Could you be more boring?

5. "Don't take everything so seriously."

Said by fanboys who don't like when the things they like are criticized. I'll take what I want to take seriously. But just to compromise, you know what I won't take seriously? You. We cool? 


  1. HA! This cracked me up. "You're just jealous" is such a chicken shit way out of an argument.

  2. Ugh, I hate when valid, impartial criticism is dismissed as being from "haters" or due to jealousy. Some people never lose that high school mentality. And YES if you don't have something nice to say, don't say ANYTHING or just say it, because I'm not going to coax you into it. I'll just be annoyed. I love these posts of yours btw. Nothing wrong with that calling card.

  3. Ugh, yes, I'm so sick of hearing about "haters." Someone's not a hater just because they don't like you or they've criticized you. Okay, okay, rant over.

  4. IT SO IS! It's on the same level as criticizing someone's looks/weight during an argument because you have nothing else.

  5. Like Big boo on orange is the new black says after that girl called her fat. "Oh. Ya got me there".