Monday, August 4, 2014

My boyfriend would leave me for these people

But, I mean, at least I have advance notice. My boyfriend and I have talked about our "Freebie" lists (or whatever you want to call them) a few times and it's always interesting to hear who the person you're attracted to is attracted to in turn.

Who knew he was really into blondes? Or, for that matter, Vin Diesel? I'm not really on board with all of his choices, and I don't think he's really into mine either, so it's a wonder we even got together.

But here we are, and here's who'd Logan would leave me for:

1. Cameron Diaz

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She's never been my type but I get it. She's goofy, she's funny and she's obviously attractive. I'll give it to you, Logan. Just don't make me watch The Mask or Charlie's Angels.

Bottom line: Basically endorsed.

2. Vin Diesel

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It would be a total miscalculation for me to underestimate Vin Diesel's ability to steal my boyfriend away from me. Not when he does this shit:


Thanks, Vin. Not only do I have to compete with hot blondes, I also have to compete with tall, bald men with deep, mesmerizing voices.

Bottom line: Somewhat endorsed, except for all those Riddick movies I've been forced to watch. In the words of Kelly Clarkson, never fucking again.  

3. Keanu Reeves

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Though Keanu is number three on this list, he's my biggest threat. Yeah, I don't know either.

Bottom line: NOT endorsed. Ever.

4. Elizabeth Banks

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Okay, this I get. Like, totally, without a doubt get. True story: When I was younger and insecure, I disliked her because she guest starred on Scrubs and had this pregnancy story line I wasn't into (I guess I wanted JD for myself or something? Or at least for Elliot) so it influenced a dislike of her for way too long. Until I realized I was being a dumb bitch.

Bottom line: Endorsed. More than endorsed. Like maybe we'll have to fight over her.

5. Rachel McAdams

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Who doesn't like Rachel McAdams? She's harmless and beautiful and starred in maybe the most beautiful love story of all time. Plus she dated Michael Sheen for awhile and I've had this weird thing for him ever since he guest-starred on 30 Rock.

Bottom line: Of course it's endorsed. Who the fuck am I not to worship Rachel McAdams?

If you were worried for my sake, thinking how heartbroken I'll be on the off-chance my boyfriend meets any of these people in Colorado, it's okay. Because I'd leave him for these people:

1. Adam Scott

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Here's another true story: I read a historical romance once when I was an impressionable teen and the main character's name was Adam and I was convinced I wanted to marry a man named Adam. So it's kind of fate. His sharp looks just clench the deal.

Logan's bottom line: He gets it. But probably because I've told him his Parks and Rec character reminds me of him.

2. Keira Knightley

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Is there a more perfect woman than Keira Knightley? (That was a rhetorical questions. There's not). She's so goddamn pretty I want to skin her and wear her like last year's Versace (thanks for that, Dina).

Logan's bottom line: "Meh. Don't really understand it." (Ugh, we're so through.)

3. Kristen Stewart

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This is a divisive one I know, but I love Kristin Stewart. You think she's awkward? Don't even care. Not everyone can be bubbly and outgoing and if you had an opinion on Kristen Stewart, let this video shit all over it. Tell me she's not endearing.


Logan's endorsement: "Yeah I can see that." (Good enough for me.)
  
4. Jake Johnson

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He has one of those perfect boyfriend faces, where you can just see yourself with him. Not intimidatingly attractive but still really attractive. How does that even work?

Logan's bottom line: Meh. (Fair enough).

5. Jared Padalecki

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Okay, so this one is kind of seasonal. We just got into Supernatural and I waver between Sam and Dean, but usually end up on Sam because he doesn't say the stupid things Dean does. Plus, how cute is he?

Logan's bottom line: "I don't know how you get past the puppy dog eyes." (Said like a true Dean fanboy. Which he is).

So who are your Freebie Five? Do you know your boyfriend's/girlfriend's?

15 comments:

  1. I used to be really into Sam, but then his moodiness got to me, and Dean and his classic (and by classic, I mean corny) one liners started to grow on me.

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  2. Haha, totally loved this! I always say John Mayer, Zac Efron, Jake Johnson + Ed Westwick and G says (typical) Jessica Alba. Which I pretty much get because she's down to Earth and beautiful and awesome and when the first 2 guys I listed seem like total douche canoes in real life I can't really judge.

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  3. Adam Scott is adorable. I love his geeky character on P&R. Is he that geeky in real life? That would be awesome. I like your point about Kristin Stewart. I mostly don't like her because the movies I've seen her in have been bad. But as someone who wasn't, isn't, and never will be bubbly and outgoing (and got dismissed because of it), that video makes me like her a bit more. I honestly can't think of any celebrity for my list, but I bet my boyfriend's would have Christian Bale at the top.

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  4. First of all, I love Adam Scott like whoa. Second, I usually can't stand Kristen Stewart but I trust Jenny Lewis' judgement.

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  5. I just want to smack Dean when he says "chicks" too much or gets on Sam about his "gay" interests. STOP BEING SO INSECURE ABOUT YOUR MASCULINITY, DEAN. I love, love this Buzzfeed post though. Makes me feel all warm inside: http://www.buzzfeed.com/sophie7999/jensen-ackles-and-jared-padaleckis-epic-bromance-awqx

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  6. Haha, you know, there was a time I was semi-into John Mayer so I won't give you crap about it. Zac Efron? That I get too. And I definitely get Jessica Alba. Does she have ugly days ever? I'm thinking no.

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  7. Haha, I love that. I could get behind Christian Bale as a choice. (Besides the temper, of course). And I hope Adam Scott is like his Parks character. That would be delightful. Still handsome even if he's not. I think the Kristen Stewart crush started a little after the Twilight hoopla so I was biased for awhile too.

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  8. Haha, honestly, I've liked Kristen Stewart for awhile but that video made me appreciate Anne Hathaway. I'll totally admit to buying into the "ugh, she's tries too hard" backlash after the Les Miserables Oscar season. Oh, and I will fight you for Adam Scott.

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  9. What?! NO! Dean! 100% Dean! I made a "freebie" list a while back and he's totally on there. And so is Keanu Reeves, so I get it, Logan.

    http://ohheyitsaj.com/laminated-lists-a-la-friends/

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  10. Haha, I so should've put Emma Stone on my list. I'm sure Logan will be glad to know you guys have similar taste in dudes. Who knows, maybe a couple Supernatural episodes from now, I'll switch back to Dean.

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  11. I'm with Logan, I don't get Kiera and I'm on team DEAN. You know me, lady, and my list. It would be #1 Rhonda Rousey, #2 Dolph Lundgren, #3 Jillian Michaels #4 Beyonce (DUH) #5 Channing Tatum

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  12. YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT ABOUT KEIRA BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME. The only person I agree with from your list is Ronda and Beyonce. Jillian Michaels? Psh. Everyone knows Natalie is where it's at (Natalie who? 30 Day Shred and Killer Abs. Duh.).

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  13. Keira yes yes yes my number one girl crush of all time. MY GODDESS. Bye boyfriend!

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  14. Hahah, I'm glad someone else supports me on this!

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