Friday, August 29, 2014

Happy birthday to, uh, me

So it's my birthday this Monday, no big deal. I'm turning 27. Which is either old or young, I guess, depending on whether you're 50 or 16.

Last year, I did a '26 things I'd like to learn by 27' post where I listed all the things I was hoping to learn by this time this year. Can we just be honest? I haven't looked at that list since I made it. So instead of just making more empty promises to myself (I'll save that for Monday's post), I thought I'd tally how many of the things I actually bothered to learn. My 26-year-old-self would be so proud.

This is the photo I used last year. Always charming, I know.
These hopes and dreams are from last year's post:

1. How to actually do a french braid. I mean, I know. But I don't. Right now it takes several tries and lots of cursing to get my braid where I want it to be. I just want to be able to do it on the first try.

NO OKAY. I didn't learn this. It's not 2005--who wears French braids still? (Everyone, you dumbass, everyone.)

2. How to make a delicious baked brie recipe. Who doesn't love brie?

It's called you just smear some jam and random nuts on top and cover it in a pastry sheet. Why on earth did I think that was something you needed to learn?

3. How to eloquently tell someone off when the situation is appropriate and they deserve it. 

No, but I know how to think really mean thoughts in my head. 

4. How to read Vogue without thinking mean thoughts about how rich and unbelievably out of touch all the writers are.

Oh shit. So many mean thoughts. Of course, I'll never learn how not to do this. How else am I supposed to feel superior to people who are so rich I want to vomit?

5. How to always approach people with confidence. 

Ugh, what is this shit? No. Okay. No. I'm shy. That's not how it works.

6. How to put my hair up into anything but a pony-tail. Right now my hairstyles vary between straight, wavy and fishtail braid. 

Well, I've perfected the wavy so that count's for something, right? And I finally got over having bangs, so that has to mean I'm growing up or something.

7. How to not bite my nails when they don't have polish on them.

8. How to express myself better verbally so it's not constant word vomit. 

I'm going to give myself a B on this. No plus, no minus. 

9. How to enjoy sweet wines so I can just have all wine all the time.

Gross, never. 

10. How to make-up my eyes in a way I actually like that doesn't involve black eyeliner.

YES. Oh my god, yes, you guys. I'm really into the no eye-liner look right now.

11. How to enjoy fish. Slimy, slimy fish.

Not really. My love for shrimp cocktail continues to grow though, so there's something.

12. How to enjoy vodka again. Ugh. One mistake can just haunt you forever.

Kind of. Sort of. I don't know. I rarely order vodka-based drinks. I will say my love for tequila increased as my love for vodka decreased. So I'm okay with being more of a tequila person. 

13. How to once again read at least one novel a month. I spend so much time reading, but not enough time reading for pleasure and I miss getting lost in a good book.

Well now I really feel like shit. No. This didn't happen.

14. How to accept that I'm not at an age anymore to just listlessly go through life without a purpose.

What the hell, Katie?

15. How to exercise on a regular basis so I feel energized and good about myself.

Ugh. Fuck this list. 

16. How to eat oysters. 

I think I meant like shucking them, which, no, I have not learned. But I have eaten oysters in the past year, and also sometimes I get really random cravings for mussels, which aren't oysters but I'm going to give it to myself anyway.

17. How to not be jealous of women who I think are better than me is some way.

HA. I mean, I'm overconfident in a lot of ways so it all evens out.

18. How to beat oily hair, because I'm over it. 

YES. Thank you, Crystal, for introducing me to Alba's mango shampoo and conditioner. It smells amazing and my hair doesn't get nearly as oily as it used to. Apparently the no-poo method is great against fighting oily hair, but ya'll my shampoo smells like mango.

19. How to feel important while reconciling that I'm rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 

Oh, good lord. What was my deal last year?

20. How to wear lipstick in a way that doesn't feel stupid.

Kind of? I have like 20 of the Revlon chubby sticks or whatever the fuck they're calling them. I wear them sometimes, as in, like, twice every two months. Orange is my shit, followed by pinkish-purple. 

21. How to be better at staying in touch with friends I don't live near anymore. 

Somewhat. And by somewhat, I mean not really at all. 

22. How to not roll my eyes at poetry. (or maybe I'm okay doing that)

Still no. Which isn't to say wonderful poets don't exist, but it's just not my jam. 

23. How to not chip my nails so damn soon after I paint them.

Yes. Because I found gel manicures. But then I lost gel manicures because they weakened my nails too damn much. (Just kidding, I'm going again next week before I go out for my birthday. Vanity > Healthy nails.)

24. How to drink an adequate amount of water each day.

I'm already the person who pees the most at work, as in once-an-hour, so no I don't need to drink more liquid. 

25. How to stand up for myself. 

If by standing up for myself I meant ranting about it on the blog I made, then yes. Sure.

26. How to not dwell on past mistakes because life is where it should be. 

Um. Yeah? I guess.

So. 10 out of 26. If I'm being nice. Who knew I was so good.


  1. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    - I don't know how to french braid... I would like to learn (and I have tried to learn) but I ain't got time for it.

    - I hate Vogue. Especially because Kim and Kanye were on the cover. Um. No.

    - I tried wine... key word... tried. And I hate it. All kinds. Wine has this certain "taste" to it. No matter how sweet it is. BUT.. there is this one sparkling, fizzy moscato at the Olive Garden I had about 2 years ago. It is hella expensive and I can't find it anywhere. THAT is the only wine I liked.

    - Fry the fish. Bam. You can enjoy it ;)

    - I suffer from oily hair too. It's hormonal. Just wash your hair everyday. I know you aren't supposed to, but it's the only way it works. Also, don't use "moisturizing" shampoo/conditioner. You don't need the moisture. You already gots it.

    - I chip my nails every single time after I paint them. My problem is that after I have painted them, I want to start cleaning and everything starts bugging me. And the pinching your finger tips together and picking up things does not help. I look like an idiot with my fingers fanned out while I am holding a pair of shoes and a towel between my middle finger and thumb... get what I am saying?

    Okay, that's enough. Happy Friday :)

  2. Vogue, smh. I never cared for Vogue, but when they put Kim and Kanye on the front cover I was like, ummmmm what? I just, no.

  3. Happy almost birthday!

    lmao your commentary is the best part of this (Oh, good lord. What was my deal last year?) hahaha.

    - I've recently gotten into gel nails! They weaken my nails, but when I take them off I apply this LA Girl calcium clear coat to them and leave it on for about 2-3 days before I do my gel nails again. I reapply it once a day and it really helps combat the damage the gel does to it. And it's LA Girl so it's hella cheap.

    - And I've just recently started wearing lipstick without feeling stupid. I think I always felt stupid because I would try to wear whatever color was 'in trend' but it never worked for me. But now I finally found the perfect shade for me and dammit I'm sticking to it.

    Las Vegas lifestyle blog

  4. Hahah, thanks for the commentary. Moisturizing shampoos are the WORST. Ugh, THE WORST. And honestly, I just want to know if anyone reads Vogue and is like, "OH MY GOD SO INTERESTING." Their reputation is the only thing keeping them afloat.

    And that is so true about nails. I always need to do something with my hands afterward and it goes to shit. Which is why gel manicures are so awesome--my nails are just majorly suffering from them.

  5. That is so genius. I need to buy that top coat, because my nails are not happy with me right now. I've been going with the philosophy of just covering up the damage with more gel manicures.

    And I think I was the same way with lipstick. I was trying to wear shades that just didn't work for me, so I'm glad I finally found out orange-y based colors look good with my skin.

    Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  6. Happy belated birthday! Haha, I love both of your lists, especially #10. I just can't do it. I end up looking weird/sleepy with eyeshadow and no eyeliner. Or just bruised. Also, I feel you on #1 and #6. I can't style my hair to save my soul, so it's usually down, in my face, and kind of not quite straight. BUT I just got this awesome wooden hair fork (it's basically a dinglehopper) from Etsy and now I can do some kind of bun updo. Yay me.

  7. Nice! Re: #10 though, I've actually found it can really make my eyes look more open and bright without eyeliner so it's kind of nice. Especially when I'm in a rush for work. Still haven't figured out an up-do I actually like.