Monday, June 9, 2014

How to learn to stop being the Cool Girl and grow up

Full disclaimer: when I was in high school, I was definitely a Cool Girl. You know the type--the girl who thinks she's better than other women. More fun. More laid back. Less dramatic. Less cliché.

Like I was the only girl ever who had a sense of humor and could take a joke.

It was when I was still figuring out my feminist ideals (i.e. my thoughts on feminism were as stupidly composed as most celebrities' thoughts are on the matter) and I was receiving basically zero attention from guys, so you could say I was over-compensating.

Like Taylor Swift in "You Belong with Me," I desperately wanted guys to see how much cooler I was than their girlfriends. Because I was way cooler... for reasons I can't really articulate now, but you're never wrong as a teenager, you know?

Then I went to college and made real friendships with a whole, wonderful slew of women and officially claimed myself as a feminist. I finally left my Cool Girl self in the past. (I think it just took some introspection that I didn't have time for in high school because I was too busy being right about everything.)

But I'm writing this blog post because for some women the Cool Girl just won't die. She's the woman who doesn't have any female friends because we talk too much. She's the woman who thinks we're all jealous of her. She's the woman who "can't identify" with other women because we only like to talk about weddings and babies.

She's the woman who can take a joke. She brags about shooting whiskey and isn't interested in fashion because she's too busy with important issues like which goddamn sports team just won.

And you know what? I get it. Women are brought up being told how we look and how attractive we are to men is one of the most important aspects about ourselves.

But what I also know is that we're better than this shit. We're better than putting each other down to get a pat on the head from a sexist guy. We're better than disregarding the billions of other women and girls on this planet in our zeal to appeal to one guy.

The next time you express your distaste for other women, ask yourself why you're doing it. Do you really think you're the only worthwhile female on earth? Does that even statistically make sense?

Maybe we need to look around and realize there are so.many.fucking.women on this earth and we all like different things and have different interests and you're bound to find a group of women who are into the same stupid shit you are and that appealing to men isn't the end goal our lives should be about.

And just so we're clear. No, women don't dislike you because they're jealous of you. They dislike you because your disdain for your own gender is so crystal clear that it's physically intolerable to be around you. Like I'd rather admit to the world that Avril Lavigne is my guilty pleasure than be anywhere near you.

But you already know that. You just use the "all women are jealous of me" excuse because sexist men will happily lap that shit up. But what I want to know is... why are you trying to appeal to those men?


  1. NICE!!! We all know a "cool girl" and I can't know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut and I've got a couple in my department. UGH. Great post especially about how we are better than this because we are!

  2. Thanks, love! It's unfortunate how many Cool Girls are everywhere. Life is easier not trying so hard. Plus, you know, it's nice having lady friends.