Thursday, June 5, 2014

21 things only a sarcastic bitch would understand

Let's first acknowledge Romy and Michelle are the best of people. (via)

Oh hey, sorry to interrupt your reading of "21 Things Only a Cat Lover Would Understand" to bring you this blog post. Or were you reading, "21 Things Only a Person Who Travels Would Understand?" My mistake. Personally I was reading, "21 Things Only [This Very Specific Type of Person] Would Understand" and I wasn't that very specific type of person so it was just kind of awkward for me.

That's why I'm creating my own list. So people who don't identify feel the same awkward sense of outsider-ness I felt reading that post about things only a redhead would understand.

The 21 things only a sarcastic bitch would understand:

1.  When you say you love something and the person you're with doesn't recognize you were actually expressing your hatred. (Ed's note: Kind of like when I told a friend once, "I love how [Stephanie Meyers] named their daughter Renesmee." Her: "Oh I know! I think it's unique!" Me: "Oh... uh... yeah.")

2. When you just watched the shittiest romantic comedy on earth with a couple friends and you have to decide whether to list all its faults or just smile and mention how hot the lead is so you're not THAT person.

3. You're the person who was never actually in awe of Elle Woods' wardrobe in Legally Blonde.

4. You're not Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte or any insufferable mix of the four. But you'll still watch the show, because why the fuck not? It's fun.

5. You stopped thinking the Chicken Soup for the Soul books were inspirational past middle school.

6. You were super annoying in high school.

7. You never liked How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.

8. Or Sweet Home Alabama. (oh hush Lynryd Skynrd fans, I mean the movie)

9. But you have a soft spot for Moulin Rouge. Because who doesn't?

10. You don't cry at weddings but feel like you should.

11. You do however cry everytime at About a Boy when he starts singing in front of the crowd.

12. You fucking hate Pinterest.

13. You identify with Liz Lemon to a degree you shouldn't be proud of.

14. You didn't even cry at the Red Wedding, because you know what? You just didn't care about that storyline that much.

15. You think every relationship in Hollywood is fake even though you don't really know jackshit about Hollywood.

16. You're not impressed by Vogue or the rich socialites featured in the pages but you know the name of every model in the magazine.

17. You love Taylor Swift because that's just life and everyone loves Taylor Swift.

18. You're used to saying things that are supposed to be jokes but then they come out and they sound really harsh and now you're the bitch.

19. You're hardcore rooting for Cersei. 

20. You don't really care for cutesy shit like "Charlie Bit My Finger."

21. You constantly have to defend your love of Katy Perry from your other friends who are dumb, sarcastic bitches.


  1. YES. Especially #18. It always causes that awkward moment of silence where people don't know how to respond. And then I laugh hysterically, making me the crazy bitch. And oh, God, #2. It's so hard to keep silent sometimes when chicks are talking about romcoms.

  2. Anyone who doesn't love Katy Perry needs to watch her documentary and shut up. ALSO...I miss you because I understand these all and we need to drink boxed wine together and hug...or something?

  3. My 11 year old LOVES Katy Perry. I like her too. She's like the new Madonna or something.

    I hate Pinterest too.

  4. Right? I know she's terrible but she's one of my favorite characters. At least she's interesting..

  5. I mean I like my romcoms with wine and all that, but let's at least acknowledge how terrible most of them are, you know? Also, maybe more people just need to learn what sarcasm is.

  6. Hahaha, oh yes, her documentary. Dropped everything to watch that on Netflix. I still think it's funny she tries to present herself as a big weirdo in it (love you Katy!). And we can hug for a second before someone's gonna need to make a sarcastic comment.

  7. She totally is the new Madonna. Lady Gaga had it for awhile but I feel like no one cares about her anymore. And maybe when I have lots of money to spend it all on craft supplies will I like Pinterest.

  8. Omg lady gaga is trying way too hard. Her "art pop" album that everyone was bragged about sucks. It's horrible. Her performances are just... Attention seeking. She's fading out anyway :/

  9. This list just made me laugh out loud - so many of these are spot on!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

  10. Thanks, Kelly! Glad you could relate.