Monday, May 19, 2014

I'm failing at my New Year's resolution

For the past few years, my New Year's resolution has been to be more assertive. It's because in "real life," I'm horribly non-confrontational to the point where I don't stick up for myself when I should.

And I really, really want to change that.

But it's just not that easy when you're, well... horribly non-confrontational. I don't even like confrontation when I'm in no way involved with it. My heart starts going crazy and I get so much secondhand embarrassment, I'm practically involved anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I can be a bitch. But it's usually only when I'm drunk.

(via giphy)
Or, uh, when it's in writing.

Otherwise, I'm all about not making a scene.

My best friend is the total opposite and she'll gladly tell you exactly what she's thinking at all times and I keep hoping she'll rub off on me. But despite having a resolution to be more assertive, I've kind of failed over the years.

Which is why I've made myself this checklist of reminders for whenever I need to be assertive. Feel free to use it, my non-assertive sisters. I'm titling it:

You're 26. You Can Do This.

a) What's the worst that could happen? Someone doesn't like you? Who cares? (Ed's note: I care! I care so much.)

b) Rihanna would not be impressed.

c) Neither would Miley Cyrus.

d) It's called Cutthroat Kitchen, not Be Nice and Get Ahead Kitchen.

e) Ask yourself, "What would drunk Katie do?" And then do that. But less slurred.

f) Don't you want to be able to sing "Bitch" with a straight face?

g) Also, do you really want to spend the rest of your life listening to your coworkers apologize to you for cussing?

h) No, you fucking don't.

i) Regrets are for that hideous dress you once wore and nothing else.

j)  Timid people don't make history.

Do I need to go on?


  1. I love you, boo. I keep hoping that your rational slow to anger traits will rub off on me. Oops. Also, drunk Katie would destroy everyone with a glance and would ALWAYS make a scene. ALWAYS.

  2. Haha. I really tell myself this all the time, but even if only the worst that could happen is someone rejects me in some way, I still can't handle it. I mean I shouldn't care that much, so why do I?!

  3. Haha. I wish I made more scenes. I NEED to make more scenes. (love you too!)