Monday, October 28, 2013

Stupid things guys like to say

First off let me add five-million qualifications to that statement before I'm forever accused of being president of the She-Woman Man Hater's Club. (although really, that club sounds pretty cool)

These are the stupid things guys like to say, but, no, not every guy says these things, nor are all said with bad intentions and yes, us ladies say stupid things too. 

We good? Okay, cool. 


Let's get to the male-bashing begin:

"I like girls who don't wear make-up." Great, but it's basically a fact that most non-make-up-wearing guys have no idea how make-up works. I'm not saying your boyfriend is lying to you when he says he likes you bare-faced if he's actually seen you with no make-up (because I know my own doesn't appreciate my love for cat-eye) but I am saying guys don't get the whole, "no-make-up make-up" look that sometimes involves quite a bit of make-up, even if you can't tell. 

I remember my dad once complimented my eyes and then said something like, "and you're not even wearing make-up, are you?" Uh, I had on the works. Eyeshadow, mascara, eye-liner. It was all there.

What guys are really saying with this comment is that they like pretty girls. Not exactly crazy, but let's call it what it is.

"Girls don't want nice guys." Nope. Women don't want guys who pretend to be nice solely to get into our pants. We can tell the difference between a genuine nice guy and a tool who only wants one thing. Which isn't to say some women don't go after the "bad boy" or emotionally-vacant asshole, but if you think that opening the car door for a woman entitles you to sex, then you shouldn't be surprised you are rejected. A lot. 

"Girls are too catty/jealous/whatever to be real friends." There's this pervasive idea (among sexist people) that girls are too jealous of each other to form true friendships. And you know what I say to that?

I cherish the relationships I have with other women. My best friend is the Oprah to my Gayle (I'm self-aware enough to realize she's the Oprah, not me). Want to call us lesbians? Like I fucking care. 

"I would never respect a girl who slept with me on the first date." Oh, sit down. So it means nothing when a guy sleeps with a girl, but it says everything you need to know about the girl? Yeah, no. You can't have it both ways. If you think casual sex is gross, then you better not partake in it and then dare to moralize about it. Grow up.

"I like a girl that can eat." What you mean is you like a hot girl who can eat. But you know what? Sometimes women just want to eat a salad. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to order beer and a greasy hamburger just to impress a guy, unless that's actually what I feel like eating.

"Fashion [insert stereotypically female interest here] is so stupid." Women's interests (or at least the stereotypes that women are supposed to find of interest) are so much more likely to be denigrated than the stereotypical things men are supposed to like. Caring deeply about sports is an American past-time. Caring about clothes is frivolous. It's, to repeat myself, bullshit. Besides, plenty of women like sports. Can we please stop acting like they're an anomaly?

"Stop being such a pussy." Uh...

Please tell me you're not using my body parts to communicate to another guy that he's being weak? Yeah. Full stop. NO. Sidenote: I really don't understand when women use this as an insult (see Mila Kunis' characters in any movie ever) without recognizing that they are just insulting themselves.

"Vodka is a girl's drink." Uh, okay, male who thinks drinking whiskey makes him a man. Tell that to all the Russian men who could drink you under the table. (My male coworkers may have used to tell me this all time and I might have wanted to punch them, so this one might be particularly personal.)

So can I confess I might have written this post under the influence of a couple Hurricanes? Well it's still true.

Happy Monday!



  1. my hubs has always said he's never been a fan of makeup. i didn't believe him until we were out and there was this HOT GIRL sitting near us. like, so hot even i couldn't stop staring at her. i tried to sneak a few looks his way to see if he was secretly checking her out without my noticing but he was honestly not even looking at her. when i said: OMG SHE'S SO HOT he looked over, made a face and said "no she's not. look at all that shit caked on her face. you can't even tell what she looks like for real". i still didn't believe him though LOL

    -kathy @ Vodka and Soda

  2. All of these yes. You're so spot on. Ohhh you don't like when a girl doesn't wear makeup?! Can it. Guys are dumb.

  3. I'm honored to be your Oprah, boo....because OF COURSE YOU MEAN ME. Amen to using female anatomy to signify a relationship with the lesser....we both know that's stupid, because have you ever seen a guy's reaction to a crotch shot? YUP.

    Also, I remember said coworkers and their disdain for vodka......IT IS NOT A GIRL'S drink. I personally think they were intimidated by it, and like Lafayette said, "Don't blame the Ferrari, 'cause your ass can't drive." Plus, I could drink them under the table, I just prefer to ENJOY my drinks.

  4. LOVE THIS!! Yes. Yes. YES! (sorry for the all caps)

  5. Uggghh, I had an ex who responded with "that's gay" when I told him I enjoyed scrapbooking. You can tell if a guy is a keeper when he doesn't say these things on the reg.

  6. Haha, I think sometimes I have my days where I put my make-up on like shit (especially when I get too over-zealous about hiding my under-eye circles) and then I'll check the mirror later and wonder how I let myself outside of the house. I do think guys like a less obvious look, but I don't think they realize (in general) how much make-up it takes sometimes to look like you're not wearing any (but still look like you have beautiful skin)!

  7. Haha--agreed. They definitely can be.

  8. Haha! How "balls" came to be synonymous with strength, I will never get. And long live vodka. Except for that I can't take shots of it anymore..

  9. Haha, no way, I appreciate the enthusiasm!

  10. Agh, yes! To all of this! I'm always terrified when I click on posts like these that something's going to go wrong and I'm going to be mad and have to decide if I want to address it but this is perfect and spot-on and oh my god, thank you so much for existing.

  11. UGH. Hate the "that's gay" insult. I feel like it shows such a lack of deeper insight on the part of someone if they can't see how offensive it is to say that. (and also how stupid it sounds)

  12. Haha, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I definitely respect what you have to say about gender issues. Don't worry, it will never become Cosmopolitan up in this joint (just realized how insanely stupid that sounds but I'm sticking with it).

  13. Loved this (& shared it with the BF) and can I just say you picked an amazing gif! I used it on my post today (I had written it over the weekend), just says how awesome you really are!

  14. Haha, great minds and all that! Glad you liked the post, Caitlyn!