Thursday, September 19, 2013

That don't impress me much

You know, I've never been a huge Shania fan but there are just some times in life when the only proper reaction to something is, "Hell no, that don't impress me much."

Like yesterday morning when I was trying to find a business casual outfit and all of my a-line skirts were suddenly too tight.


And you know what else doesn't impress me?

1. Burnt Starbucks coffee.

2. Flashbacks in movies. UGH. Stop making me inwardly groan in movie theaters, screenwriters.

3. Animal companions in action movies. I know they're going to die and it stresses me the fuck out waiting for them to bite the dust.

4. When a guy calls a girl a tease. Sorry she didn't like you back, friend. Tough shit and better luck next time.

5. When your Facebook status says something vaguely dramatic and then someone asks you about it and then you say it's a private matter. Ugh, go away.

6. Seeing teens post photos online with drug paraphernalia clearly in the frame. Children, think of your futures! And get off my lawn. 

7. When a woman insults a guy by saying something stupid about how she can see his lady-parts. You know you just insulted yourself, right, lady? Right?

8. Clothes that don't fit anymore. No I'm not over it yet. It's rude.

9. Man-points. No thanks. Do not want. 

10. When cheese platters at restaurants are underwhelming. Biggest disappointment of my life so far.

11. This dumbass quote from Miley Cyrus: "I feel like every girl is trying to have a beauty shot and prove that they’re 'fashion.' But I can be in white leggings and a white sports bra and I’m on a whole other level of shit that those girls don’t even get yet because they don’t know how to do it." EYE fucking ROLL. Sit down, Miley. Blatantly copying popular styles from the 90s does not a fashion icon make.

12. The fact that I still haven't listened to "Work, Bitch." WTF is my problem?

13. When someone holds the door for you and you walk through without even acknowledging said person. The world is not your doorman. 

14. Drivers who don't know how to merge onto a highway. Oh no, it's cool. I'm just going upwards of 65 mph, but you go ahead and do your own thing.

15. Any cooking show that isn't Cutthroat Kitchen. Just quit now, everyone else. 

Sing it, Shania.



  1. I love, love, loved this list! That quote from Miley is whacked up. I miss Hannah.

  2. I laughed through this whole post! So much, YES! :)