Friday, September 13, 2013

Party like a rockstar

It's Friday which means you should be getting ready to go out and make an idiot of yourself tonight.

And you know what? I've got your back. Which is why I'm sharing my party tips, because I'm nice like that.

You at midnight. 

Getting the night started:

Nothing says "I'm a classy lady" like slurping spiked jello into your mouth. Plus, they are super easy to make so don't buy them from a bar because they are stupid and tiny.

Also they are harder to spill on yourself than normal shots, unless you really just suck that much.

The make-up situation:

If you're not smearing it on, then you're wasting everyone's time. Besides, how will you know you've had a good night if your make-up hasn't totally settled beneath your eyes by 3 a.m.? Answer: you won't.

The party situation:

Toast to literally everything. No accomplishment is too small when amongst friends. And make sure everyone else in the bar knows you're toasting--but make sure they also know they're not included.

Cut the crap. Drink straight from the box. Wasn't yours? Who cares. Maybe the owner shouldn't have been so fast and loose with it.

Make a significant amount of duck faces. Everyone finds them sexy. Everyone. (Sidenote: these were taken as a joke--but when does a joke go from "haha making fun of duckface" to just.. making duckface? Don't answer that).

Make these faces at whoever you're trying to attract. It's fail-proof.

But remind people you are still an intelligent, thoughtful human being by pulling out your glasses mid-way through the night. You will not be judged!

And sometimes just stare at the floor to show people you are totally above this dance-club shit and that you really just want to get home to your old Daria episodes. 

But, most importantly, make sure you've perfected your "You're not welcome here" face in case anybody tries to get too comfortable with you.

And when the night winds down and you're heading home, remember that no friend worth her salt leaves another friend to molest a statue on her own.

This is you at the end of the night. Unless you went home with that dumbass from the dance floor. Good luck with that!



  1. hahahah! love it! these pictures are priceless and awesome.

  2. This. is. Awesome!! Love it!! The pictures are just awesome.

  3. The sad/funny-but-mostly-sad thing is, all I ever want to do by the time Friday night rolls around is crawl into bed, watch Netflix, and eat snickers bites lol I'm secretly a hundred years old

  4. Haha, but you know, that sounds like a pretty awesome night too. I don't go out even half as much as I used to and a lot of nights I'm tired by midnight. So I'm pretty not cool most of the time.

  5. 1. We need more party pictures of us....I guess we were partying too hard when we were together?
    2. I love your bitch stare.
    3. I died when I saw your last photo...because Lord knows that I know that face all too well....fond memories of eating of the the bag after a long night with you, boo.

  6. 1. We were definitely partying too hard.

    2. Thank you, my dear.
    3. Chips I'm not so sure about but grocery store nacho trays, yes.

    Also you better have gotten our inside joke.

  7. I'm sorry, I was working on my art project.