Sunday, August 18, 2013

Outgrowing old attractions

So remember when you were younger and had shitty taste in guys? Well I certainly did, and it seems like lately I've been reminded of all the shitty things I actually thought were attractive when I was younger and--let's face it--dumb, and now I don't know why in the world these men even registered with me.

The following are fictional characters I thought were so attractive--because, c'mon, dishing on real guys no one will actually know is no fun.

The Phantom of the Opera (as played by Gerard Butler)

gerard butler the phantom photo: Gerard Butler as \"The Phantom\" phantomoftheoperapubs.jpg

Look, Erik with a 'k,' I get it, you're smoldering, or supposed to be, but no amount of handsome can account for your underground lair where you keep a wedding gown on your creepy Christine mannequin. Do you whisper to it at night? Oh, wait no, you're too busy whispering bullshit at the real Christine from the other side of a mirror.

I recently watched a Broadway performance of the show online and it's much clearer in that version that the Phantom is a dangerous stalker and not simply a brooding, only wants love, misunderstood, lost soul like they present in the movie. And, let me tell you, re-watching the story seriously made me question how I could have found the Phantom so damn attractive.

He's a creep who feeds on her daddy issues and he's violent to boot. WTF, younger me?

Rhett Butler from Gone With the Wind (as played by Clark Gable)
 
rhett butler photo: Rhett ClarkGableasRhettButler.jpg

Look, I know it's sacrilege to diss classic movies, but I've long since outgrown romanticizing Gone With the Wind. Two miserable people fight, demean each other and take glee in being spiteful, and I'm supposed to find that romantic?

No, Rhett, take your mustache and go. Tomorrow's another day and I'm gonna spend it alone.

Edward Cullen from Twilight (as played by Robert Pattinson)

edward cullen photo: edward cullen edward_cullen.jpg

While I've been over Twilight for years, there was a time I feverishly read each book in the series and maybe even pre-ordered the fourth book. And, okay, I might've seen the first Twilight movie at midnight when it came out. But that's it, I swear (if you discount all that fan fiction I wrote*).

Both prepubescent girls and women in the midst of menopause salivate over Edward. I guess it's because he's dreamy and so faithful to boring old Bella, but can we break down some of the shit he's done to her?

1. He doesn't consult her when making huge relationship-related decisions. (example: "Oh hey, I'm leaving town now. Peace!")

2. He disabled her car so she couldn't drive to see a friend he didn't approve of.

3. I repeat, he disabled her car so she couldn't leave to see a friend he didn't approve of.

4. He employed his sister to act as her jailer so she wouldn't do anything he disapproved of.

5. He allowed her to name their daughter Renesmee.

The reality is that if your friend had a boyfriend like Edward, you would tell her to run for the hills, yet somehow Edward is seen as this incredibly romantic character. Just because someone loves you doesn't mean they are good for you and jealousy is not simply indicative of passion.

Vomit. That got right preachy, but my 20-year-old-self probably needed to hear that.

Sam Merlotte from True Blood (as played by Sam Trammell)

sam merlotte photo: Sam Merlotte SamMerlotte.jpg

Now, I like Sam. I've liked him all six seasons of True Blood and think he's a perfectly decent guy. But, when I first started watching the show, he really registered with me and I thought he was so sweet and darling and just needed a hug--and did I ever want to give him that hug.

Fast-forward to me re-watching it with my now-boyfriend and, my god, he's the worst in season one. Okay, not the worst. But so annoying. And clingy. And desperate for Sookie's love.

He pulls that shit some guys do where if you don't like them back they get pissy and take it out on you. And it's ANNOYING. But, no worries, Sam, I know it's just Sookie's fairy blood.
I feel like the things all of these guys have in common is that they are controlling, possessive and high-handed. And what that says about my taste in guys when I was younger is pretty dismal. 

Here's to getting better taste in men!

*no, okay, I didn't write fan fiction. Please don't think I did.

Also, don't forget about the giveaway! There's still time to win some awesome Korean beauty products. (That CC cream was meant for me and should be mine.)

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